Saving Noodle
by fuzzy-grapes
Summary: Gorillaz: Will Murdoc convert to Christianity, 2D give up his addiction to painkillers and Russel attempt to eat less, all so they can keep Noodle in the band? Title really sucks
1. Chapter 1

AUTHORS NOTE:

Okay, this is a slightly odd story. It's my first Gorillaz story and I would really appreciate it if you could read and tell me if u think anyone is, like, OOC or anything. It may also slightly suck – flames are totally accepted!

Um, I sort of don't think I'll do Murdoc's swearing in this. Hey, my mother might read this! So, do you mind if I put little star thinks where he swears?

It slightly doesn't help that I have no idea what the hell a social services person does when they come see if you're fit to be a parent or whatever. So, keeping an extremely open mind please read and tell me what you think. Thanks!

So, it was just another day at Kong Studios. The zombies were chilling outside, the dead spirits were hanging around and the Gorillaz were jamming inside the instrument room.

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Then the doorbell rang.

"F---!" Swore Murdoc. He threw down his bass guitar. "What bloody, stupid moron would ring our bell while we're in the middle of a jam session? Bastard! Now we're going to have to start over!"

He looked at the others. 2D seemed unaware anything had happened, still singing a song in his beautiful angel voice. Murdoc allowed himself a moment of congratulations on choosing such a good singer before reaching over and hitting 2D's head. "Shut it, D."

He saw Noodle sigh. The 13 year old hated it when he hurt 2D in any way. For that matter, so did Russel. Murdoc looked around for the man mountain.

"Russel has gone to open the door," Noodle said. She began strumming her guitar, humming softly to herself. Murdoc sighed. He lit up a cigarette and resolved to hurt whoever had rung the doorbell in the middle of the song. Unless, of course, it was a hot girl.

"Guys, there's someone here to see Noodle." Russel blocked the doorway. He moved into the room and a woman followed, wearing a suit and an extremely disgusted expression.

Murdoc took notice. That was one hot lady. "Well, hello there. Want me to butter your muffin, love?"

She shot him a glance. "I am assuming the young female is 'Noodle', as you call her. Now, degrading comments aside, which of you men is her father?"

2D frowned. That was a good question. Funny, he'd never thought of it before. "Yeah, which of us is her father?" He frowned some more. "Couldn't be me, could it?"

Murdoc punched 2D in the shoulder. "None of us, Dumbass."

The woman frowned. "Please watch your language around the child. Mr Hobbs, please introduce us all."

Russel cleared his throat. "Right, well, this is Murdoc Niccals."

Murdoc extended a hand. "Bass player to the DEVIL! Haaaaaaaaail Satan!"

The woman looked disgusted.

"And this is 2D. Er, Stuart Tusspot, that is."

2D still looked confused. It was practically his default expression.

"And, of course, this is Noodle."

Noodle looked at the woman with curiosity. She wondered why the woman wanted to see her. Did it have something to do with the military crack team she was part of for the Japanese government?

The woman nodded. "And I am Ms Jenson. I work for the government."

Noodle's worst fears were confirmed. She looked around, panicking.

Ms Jenson continued, ignoring Murdoc's comment of: "Single, huh? That's the way I like 'em, babe."

"More specifically, from the Social Services Department. There have been reports that Noodle, as you call her, does not, in fact, go to school."

"Who told you that?" Murdoc punched his fist into his other hand threateningly. "I'll fix 'em!"

Russel restrained Murdoc by pinning his arms behind his back. Ms Jenson continued: "Not only are you committing the crime of not sending her to school, Noodle lives here, Kong studios, in a place barely fit for human habitation, with junk everywhere and with three old men for companions."

"Hell, I'm not old-"

"First there's Mr Niccals here, who smells of alcohol and cigarette smoke, regularly degrades women for his own personal gain, looks like he hasn't seen a dentist in years and, judging by an earlier comment, hails Satan."

She turned to 2D, who was in the middle of popping a painkiller.

"You, Mr D (2D looked confused at being addressed this way), seem to be addicted to painkillers. You are currently not wearing a shirt. Your health records show that Mr Niccals, who incidentally was put in jail for forgery, ran into you with a car and put you in a coma. You also seem in need of a visit to the dentist."

Ms Jenson turned to Russel. "All though you seem the most responsible of the others, you are overweight and your health records suggest you believe you were possessed by a ghost. All three of you smoke and the young lady's pet also smokes. Noodle is at one of the most impressionable years of her life. She does not need to be exposed to cigarette smoke, alcohol and substance abuse, Satan, convicted criminals and naked torsos wherever she turns. This young lady needs you to set her examples. Which, you are most certainly not doing. I should send you all straight to jail."

She paused and looked around. "Do you have anything to say?"

2D looked up. "Erm, we're in this, like, band. You might have heard of us? The Gorillaz?"

Ms Jenson looked sour. "I will leave now. I will come back at 3:00pm tomorrow and if things haven't improved, I will be taking Noodle into care. Children need a strong family life, with older people in their lives to set examples to them. They need strong religious, social and educational foundations to grow into successful adults. They need nutritional food, a clean environment to play in and a place they can feel safe. They cannot be exposed to things such as cigarette smoke. I'll see myself out. Good day."

The Gorillaz looked at each other. Murdoc picked up his bass guitar again. "Feisty little un, ain't she? No matter. One night with The Niccals and she'll be right as rain, yeah?"

Russel shook his head. "Murdoc, she's not one of your usual blonde airheads."

"Yeah," 2D agreed. "She's a brunette."

Murdoc ignored 2D's comment. "Got a better idea, tubs?"

Russel sighed. "We could do what she wants us to do."

"Yeah, but-"

Noodle spoke up. "I could leave."

2D ruffled her hair. "Noodle can't leave!"

Murdoc had to agree. "Look, love, if it was Stu-pot I might just consider it. But I ain't gonna be looking for no new guitarists. You've gotta stay, little one."

Noodle smiled.

Russel smiled slightly too. "You know what this means? Kong Studios is getting a little makeover. And so are we."

AUTHORS NOTE:

Please ignore the lame dialogue on the last sentence. There are gonna be other chapters. Well, there will be if I decide this isn't total crap… you know?

And anyone who wants me to update my Artemis Fowl fics? I'm working on it!

Tell me what you think of it! Please!

Also, if you have a better title - tell me!


	2. Bibles, nudists and no smoking

AUTHORS NOTE:

Thank you so, so much for all of your reviews! I have 10 at last count! Yay!

Okay, I forgot to do a disclaimer. Oops. So, in case any of you thought that I owned the Gorillaz, etc – I don't. Now we've cleared that up.

"Okay, we've got all the cleaning stuff. Now what?"

2D stood in the middle of a shopping mall, blissfully ignorant of the hustle and bustle around him. He popped a pill and hummed a tune and was only jerked back to reality when Murdoc slapped him on the head.

"Dullard, anything you think we need?" Murdoc paused. What a stupid question to ask 2D. He didn't think AT ALL, least about anything they might need.

2D considered the question. Ow. This made his head hurt. "Er… do we need, you know, food or summink?"

The others considered the question. "We've got brain in the fridge," Murdoc remarked, grinning wickedly.

"Let's get some cupcakes." Russel suggested.

Murdoc raised an eyebrow. "Cupcakes?"

Russel shrugged. "Well, don't normal families eat cupcakes?"

"Or maybe you just want an excuse to eat lots of cupcakes. Lard guts."

"You little-"

Noodle stepped in before Russel started strangling Murdoc. "Please do not kill Murdoc in public, Russ, it is bad publicity for band," she said calmly in her heavily accented English. "And, Murdoc? If you do not stop teasing Russel about his weight, I will have to make you."

Murdoc shivered. Because it was cold, of course. Even still, there was something oddly spooky about the asian kid. "Remind me again why we're keeping the short kid in the band."

Russel shot him a glare. "That reminds me, we need to buy Murdoc a bible."

"WHAT?"

Russel stayed calm. "Ms Jenson said children need 'solid religious backgrounds'. Unfortunatly, Satanism in considered inappropriate. What a pity."

2D chose this moment to pop back to earth. "I thought you hated Satanism, Russ."

Russel sighed. "I was being sarcastic, D."

"Oh."

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They left the bible shop amid suspicious stares from the shopkeeper. It was not often you got Satanists converting to Christianity.

Murdoc made 2D carry the bag carrying the bible. "I've got an image to keep up, yeah?"

"What about my image?" The spacy singer protested.

Murdoc stared. "Stu-pot, you wear your hair like a girl, mate. I reckon nuthin's wreaking an image like that."

2D tried to think of an appropriate comeback.

…

…

Finally he got one. "Yeah? Well at least I don't sleep with a bunny rabbit."

There, 2D thought with satisfaction. That was good. He looked up to see what Murdoc thought of his comment. At first he couldn't see the bassist. But then he spotted the hulking form of Russel heading to the food court, Noodle and Murdoc close behind him.

2D sighed and hurried to catch up. Maybe next time he would think of a response to wipe the smirk off Murdocs face BEFORE everyone moved on.

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Noodle had been pleasantly surprised, to say the least, when she found out the sacrifices her bandmates were prepared to make to keep her in the band. She knew that they sometimes found it hard to cope with each other – their personalities were extremely different and there was always the issue of Murdoc stealing 2D's girlfriends… It really made her happy, the way they could all pull together as a team to complete the most trying of tasks.

Noodle felt a strange and sudden compulsion to call for a group hug.

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"So, Murdoc. Do you own any clothes that would be regarded as Christian?" Russel asked, turning to Murdoc.

Murdoc shrugged. "I have what I'm wearing. Don't Christians go naked the whole time?"

Russel smiled. "Er… that's nudists, Murdoc."

"No, like those two people. The dude and the chick. In the garden. I could always go naked – it might influence the lady's decision."

Russel shuddered. "Er… no. Won't the bible tell you what Christians wear?"

"Yeah, theres gonna be a section in the bible called 'Christian clothes.' Maybe 'Unoffensive, Christian clothes.' 'Christian Smart Casual.' Nah, I told ya, Russ, back then even the wrinkliest oldie went nude."

"Murdoc, we are NOT going without clothes. Ms Jenson will probably think she's walked into a nudist colony."

"But, mate-"

"Do you actually WANT to go without clothes? Do you want US to?" Russel shook his head. "Murdoc you are a sick, sick man. Go read the bible."

Murdoc thought of him and the rest of the band walking around without clothes. He shuddered. "Russel? Do you still have the number of your therapist? Cos I'm getting some butt ugly mental pictures here."

Russel grinned. "D, chuck us that bible, would ya? Murdoc has some reading to do."

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Murdocs reading was postponed when 2D remembered he was out of cigarettes. They were heading to the nearest supermarket when Noodle spoke up.

"Uh, 2D? Russ? Murdoc? If you are really wanting to keep me in the band, you cannot smoke cigarettes."

Russel slapped himself on the forehead. "Dammit! She doesn't want us smoking."

Murdoc was also annoyed. "Of, f---! We can't even buy f---ing smokes?"

2D was equally inconvenienced. "Why can't we smoke? It only hurts kids if you're pregnant while you're smoking. And none of us are pregnant. Unless someone's been seriously lying."

He stared at them all. Noodle took the empty cigarette packet from his hand.

"2D," she said, pointing to the health warning on the packet. "This means that if you are pregnant and you smoke, the baby inside you might get hurt. Smoking is dangerous to your lungs and the lungs of those around you the whole time."

"Well what are we supposed to do? I need a cigarette."

Noodle looked at 2D. He was looking forlornly at the empty cigarette packet, as if somehow another cigarette would suddenly appear.

Noodle sighed. "You do not have to do this, you know."

She did not want them to have to suffer just for her.

Russel patted her shoulder. "Noodle, we've already bought 500 dollars worth of cleaning products. We've started this and we ain't gonna stop til we're done. Right guys?" He nudged Murdoc and 2D, who were staring at the cigarette displays.

"Uh-"

"Right!" Russel smiled at Noodle. "We only need to go for a day without smoking. So, anyone know the number for the Quitline?"

Noodle had another compelling urge to call for a group hug.

AUTHORS NOTE:

As always, I'd totally appreciate it if you could review and tell me if you think anyones OOC, anything could be improved, that sort of stuff.

Can I just say, to Negitive Zero, do you mind if I use the 'Saving Noodle' title thing cos it sounds better than the one I have now.

To Madamoiselle Fleur, lol about the birth control pills thing. Sorry about that.

To jade, I have no idea what social services people do… (smiles) thanks for the review.

And to everyone else (Danakagome, Leepa-Meepston, Invader Yumi, Yumi-chan427, The Outer Limits, Hoshika, Muds-Girl and midnight972) Thanks for reviewing!


	3. Make Like the Nike ad

_**Ooh, an update! I wrote this ages ago – I have no idea why I didn't post this earlier. I'm very sorry for no updating – you've all probably forgotten about me! Enjoy!**_

The group made it back to Kong Studios alright – everyone was alive, anyway. They unloaded the many bags of cleaning products, bibles, new clothes and cupcakes. Then they set to work. Or tried to, anyway.

"Well, I think that 2D should start cleaning," Russel said. "And Murdoc can read his bible. Noodle could probably remove some of those zombies from the chimney…"

Murdoc searched his pocket for a cigarette. "Yeah? And what're you goin' ta do while we're slaving away? Stuff yer face with cupcakes?"

Russel looked at Murdoc haughtily. "For your information, I'm going to be reading this book on parenting."

He raised a slim book. Murdoc grabbed it off him.

"This is f---ing 97 pages long! I gotta read 1975 pages of f---ing microscopic print! Why don't I read this and you help the dullard clean?"

Russel sighed. "Murdoc-"

"It's decided? Good. Now, if you don't mind, I have books to read."

Murdoc plonked himself down in front of the TV in the lobby and opened a book.

Russel sighed. "Fine. Guys, we've all got our shit to do. Let's make like the Nike ad, and do it."

And, with those words of strength, they set off to work.

* * *

2D ventured down to the basement. He was about to start cleaning his room but hesitated near the second, mysterious door next to him. He'd never gone in before. Did he DARE?

"_It's coming up … it's coming up …_"

He looked at the door and saw Murdoc's mocking face.

"_Go on Dullard. You little wanker._"

"_Whatsamatter? _Scared_?"_

"_About to start crying you wuss? Huh? _HUH_?"_

2D stood up straight. He wasn't going to let Murdoc, albeit the Murdoc in his imagination, tease him. He was going to be assertive. Independent. Agnostic. Or whatever.

He pulled open the door, humming a few bars of 'Last Living Souls.' Yup, it sounded fitting. Would have to make a note of it for the Gorillaz film. If that ever happened …

He stepped into the dimly lit room.

He uncovered his eyes and gasped.

There was a small fortune of computers spread out, each one showing a different image of the Gorillaz on it.

Murdoc, Noodle, Russle, himself, Noodle, Murdoc, Russel, himself, Murdoc, Noodle, Russle, himself, Noodle, Murdoc, Russel, himself, Murdoc, Noodle, Russle, himself, Noodle, Murdoc, Russel, himself, Mike, Murdoc, Noodle, Russle, himself, Noodle, Murdoc, Russel, himself, Murdoc, Noodle, Russle, himself, Noodle, Murdoc, Russel, himself, Murdoc, Noodle, Russle, himself, Noodle, Murdoc, Russel, himself …

2D was getting dizzy. And very, very scared.

With a shriek that would have earned a lifetime of very deserved mocking by Murdoc, 2D leapt out of the room and ran as fast as his legs could carry him to a more friendly room.

* * *

Murdoc looked at the cover of the book. A baby was crawling, naked, on a colourful rug. The legend said: 'Successful Parenting.' Briefly, Murdoc considered the double standards concerning naked women versus naked babies. He sighed, and opened the book to a random page near the end to begin reading.

'_Helping your daughter through puberty: A guide to talking about menstruation._'

Murdoc briefly imagined introducing the topic to Noodle. He shook his head. Maybe it would be best to leave this to Russel. Or even 2D. A smirk spread across his face. Sucker. Just then, the sucker in question ran, screaming, from inside the elevator. Murdoc raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, sometimes listening to Shaun Ryder say: '_It's coming up, it's coming up, _etc' makes me agitated too, but, you know, not that agitated."

2D searched his pocket for a cigarette. Or a painkiller. Or something. He found one, slightly hairy, pill. He sucked at it thoughtfully. "I dunno. It was, like, a room. Next to my room."

Murdoc nodded. "Ooh, a _room_! Ooh, I'm so _scared_!"

"No! Shut up! It was what was in the room that was scary!"

Murdoc picket at a nail. "What was it? One of those girls who only went out with you so she could play Pong in your room?"

2D looked hurt. "Look, d'you want me to say it or not?"

"Oh please, do go on."

2D took a breath. "Well, it was FILLED with computers-"

"How utterly terrifying…"

"- and they all had different images of US on them!"

Murdoc shrugged. "It's probably just my stalker. Got a fag? I'm out."

2D shook his head. "Russ wouldn't let me buy more today."

Murdoc threw the parenting book at the TV. "Great. Just f---ing great. We can't smoke, we can't even worship Satan! What the f---ing hell is the world coming to?"

2D nodded his agreement. "Yeah. And, what's worse, the green house effect is still getting worse!"

Murdoc stared. "Whatever. Just piss off. Or something. And, while you're doing that, give this book to Russel. He'll enjoy it. Really."

2D skipped off, parenting book under arm, worries about the room hidden by a deeper concern for the ozone layer.

* * *

Russel was cleaning. Not that you'd know by looking at him. Full cans of Mr Sheen and Winspray were discarded at the door as he chewed on a wagon wheel he'd uncovered under his takeaway containers. He examined some pizza from a few nights ago. Okay, it was cold. Another point taken away for the slightly fuzzy patch on one side. But that could always be removed. It was still edible.

Russel put it to one side and considered some Chinese takeout. And soon, the pile of stuff that was 'edible' was almost as big as the original pile. He sighed. This was going to take a while.

There was a knock on the door.

"Wassup, 'D?" Russel asked, turning to 2D, who'd just emerged from the doorway.

2D looked up. "Er … the sky?"

This was actually quite an intelligent remark from 2D. Russel shook his head. "Nevermind. Why are you here?"

2D held out the book. "Muds told me to give you this."

Russel took the book. He laughed, "I figured Muds wouldn't stick reading this shit. Could ya go check that he's reading his Bible? If we're gonna pull this off, he needs too. Plus, it cost 20 bucks."

Despite the fact doing this would mean he was basically skipping from Murdoc to Russel and back, 2D nodded and wandered out. Russel opened to book to a random page.

'_Teaching your child about the birds and the bees._'

He could just imagine explaining it all to Noodle. Maybe he should get Murdoc and 2D to share their experiences – or not. He shook his head, banishing the mental images.

No way.

* * *

Noodle was dragging two trash bags full of zombie corpses to the bin. She was pretty sure she'd gotten all of them.

She was just heading back inside when she spotted 2D wandering aimlessly through the room.

"What is wrong, 2D?" she asked, patting his shoulder gently.

2D smiled his gap-toothed smile, his blank eyes widening. "My head hurts. And I'm out of painkillers. And/or cigarettes."

Noodle couldn't help smiling back at him. She didn't like seeing him in pain just for her. She walked to the kitchen. "I think there may be something here that may help."

She opened a cupboard and removed a bottle containing brightly coloured tablets in animal shapes.

"Childrens … Vitamins?" 2D asked Noodle, staring at the bottle.

Noodle nodded. "Try them. They'll help."

Noodles theory was this: If 2D believed they would help his headache, they really would. The power of the mind is a great and mysterious thing. Anyway, even if they didn't, he'd be better off than before.

2D took a tablet out of the bottle. "It's in an animal shape!" He exclaimed, placing it in his mouth. "And it tastes like a raspberry flavoured lollypop! Thanks, Noodle!"

He skipped off, leaving Noodle to try and remember just what he'd been upset about in the first place.

_**Sorry that I haven't done any review answers or anything. With this new thing, I always forget to or whatever. I really would like too but … Meh. Happy day!**_


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